Worst Boyfriend Ever

I hate myself. Great way to start a blog, eh? But I really do. I hate how I act, what I say, what I do, who I am. Today I made explicit rude, disgusting, perverted comments toward a friend of mine that I'm falling hard for. While my girlfriend was there. Navi (girl I commented on) laughed about it, as did my surrounding friends, even Sam, but I hated myself for it. I wanted to say what I was thinking. But how do you blurt out something like "I can't get my mind off of you. You're the perfect girl in my opinion. You're breathtakingly beautiful and one of the sweetest girls I've ever met and all I want to do is hold you in my arms the same way you'd like to be held by him."? Him. Navi asked me to set her up with a man. I couldn't exactly say "I don't want to. I want you". So I set her up with my friend Ryan. He's vastly superior to me in every way, and much better looking. He doesn't fuck up his sentences by saying inappropriate bull shit. He plays in a rock band. All in all, he's perfect. And she's perfect. So they're meant for each other. Just another of the 100+ girls who have rejected me. I'm happy for them. Now to go cry...