A true chessmaster never reveals his plans. But I'm not a true chessmaster. You may realize I'm not starting my post in the same cheery fashion. I won't end it the same either. I thought that it was about time I told my plan to everyone. Hate. Powerful thing, isn't it? I got a text from Gemma today basically saying "I'm sick of you anyway and you do the same shit you give us shit for." First I think it's amazing that this is what my friends always though of me before this went down. "I'm sick of you anyway..." Go figure eh?
Second, I do do the same shit. My opinions don't change. I, too, am a worthless, useless mess. Unfit for this world. Unfit for anything. People shouldn't be around me. And that's the plan. I get them to hate me, but my words are still in their head. They don't want to be like me. They have motivation. Not to mention, they won't get better if they're my friends.
I almost dropped to my knees and cried today. Cried after Gemma's string of texts and insults. All true, doesn't make them any less painful. I miss her...I miss all of them. I want to drop to my knees again in front of them and apologize and beg for them to come back. But my dignity and my plan are worth more. This is better. Gemma, Gwen, Kia, everyone...*sigh*...oh well.
Till next post everyone. Stay...away...
And that's the 411.
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*headdesk*
ReplyDeleteyeah, cause, you know, giving up is a total good idea.
To believe you're useless...
to not have any faith in yourself as a human...
Its a good thing you don't believe in suicide. But its not like you need to worry about it. You're already worse than dead if you truly believe you're worthless.
Why are you apologizing. According to you, it was my wrongdoing, was it not.
ReplyDelete@Zera: You're right.
ReplyDelete@Dell: I'm not apologizing.
I was undecided as to whether i should read this post, but was prompted by Gwen.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure at least 3 people congratulated me on sending you that. I was generally bothered by your decision... and to be completely honest I found myself laughing at your blog. I'd tell you that I'm sorry the truth as I see it hurts, but I'm feeling generally honest today.
Tatahz,
<3 Abby